It HuRtS wHeN i SaY i LoVe YoU

GROUNDED

2005-03-27T02:14:27Z

guys...im back from texas....

and in the first 15 minutes i found out...

IM GROUNDED!!

i hate this...later all oh yea im gonna make a new journal soon...leave a comment if you want it

love you

kelly

LMAO

2005-02-19T08:05:22Z

danikas looking at penis enlargment advertisements

she looking at porn magazines too

and masturbating with the remote.....

<3kel

omfgggggg

2005-02-19T08:01:11Z

hahahha omfg ok first me cameron n danika played hide n seek in the rain with her sister and her sisters friend and it started raining and we couldnt find them....so we went to cold stone n just left them in their hiding places...

omg now DANIKA AND HER CUZZIN ARE GRINDING!!!!!! lmao theyre trying to teach me omg omg ...haha and now camerons trying to teach danika how to salsa and he farted!!!! omg i love them!!!!!!!! my stomach hurts from laffing so hard!!!!! omg yay im spending the nite this is soooooo awesome!!!! ye-ah!!!!

alrite yall im out...back to dancing;-)

i dont wanna be nething other than what ive been tryin to be lately

<3kel

camerons lying on the ground naked cuz hes drunk....haha

kelly can sing
and danika can dance like a black girl
cameron can do both...yes, he can dance like a black girl too

were taking ectasy

camerons leaching on danika

fuck yea this is interesting

camerons licking the pillow

camerons making out with the pillow

kellys typing with her nipples

danikas making burritos....but also shaving...yea.that. lmao

danika n cameron are smuggling mexicans across the border on bicycles

theyre playing steamrollers...i better go join them

ok im done now

love you always

<3kelly

i better go get the vikaden...

FUUUCKKKKKKKKKK

2005-02-17T16:24:01Z

fuck. i have to present next period. school sucks ass. i hate it. i want to go home. ;akldjfa;dkfjakdjfadksfjas

actually i dont cuz then i have to go to the dermatologist n then i have to go to piano... god i just want so relax!!!!!!!!! haha o well

mayb ill get to go to the movies this weekend. or to six flags...

omg i have a physics test. shit. my packets not even half done. and i dont get the stuff at all. screw it.

ok bells about to ring.

later
kelly

botmxofthexbotl @ 2005-02-12T00:24:00

2005-02-12T08:30:10Z

ignore the last one

mY fUcKiNg LiFe

2005-02-12T08:29:32Z

stand up straight. the room goes dim.
colors swirl and the walls cave in.
the floor is shifting. my eyes roll back.

hands are numb. feet are cold.
my head drops down. my body shakes.
eyes are open. cant see a thing.

on the floor and everythings black.
wake up just to do it again.

botmxofthexbotl @ 2005-02-10T07:51:00

2005-02-10T16:03:17Z

wow. im in first period again. surprise? i think not.

were diong nothing again...i went to danikas last...and hopefully im going to the movies tomorrow with brit mo n danika...fun...my parents are leaving today...they wont be back till monday...

ive stopped being mad at everything...whats the point...it doesnt help...life doesnt get better...so u just live through it...maybe ill start going to church again all the time so i can start hanging out with them...that always used to be fun...

i hear the counselors arecoming into 2nd period today...this sucks...i dont wanna hear about all the crap we have to do to be able to graduate...im stressed enuff as it is with school...how dumb....

hm, leme think of sumthing interesting to put in here....

oh sry...couldnt find ne...thats how bored i am....o well

i love you guys...

<3kelly

its not the ones who scream and swear they want to kill themselves that u gotta worry about....

its the ones who fall asleep every nite hoping that this will be the nite they fall asleep forever

botmxofthexbotl @ 2005-02-08T07:38:00

2005-02-08T15:52:09Z

ok so uh, now i finally have time to finished updating from yesterday...so, 3rd period sucked cuz we had to turn this crap in that i had no clue how to do but eh, wutever..

4th: got a B on the test..Same as Kaley! wutever she grades so freaking hard i hate her...neways...i didnt get the stupid lesson this time and she made my head hurt...dude. math sucks

lunch: haha ppl lit the signs on fire...niice...they werent selling cajun fries so i went to buy maddie a cookie...it was alrite...I GOT TO SEE BRITTANY!!!! haha ilove her...shes so awesome...we saw mo !!!! and i cant write exactly wut happened cuz the other person reads this too...and i dont think that person should know our joke lmao...but me n brittany were just CRACKING up haha great stuff

5th: had a test...it was the fastest one ive ever taken...but i think i got one wrong cuz maddie and michelle babick got a different answer than me...eh screw it..

6th...finisehd up the english crap...updated...talked to jordi like always haha thats always fun...

babysat jennifer when i got home... made dinner...went to counseling...she said I was on to sumthing and that i had tons of crap stored up from before...i swear..i talked for like the whole hour straight that time...she said a part of me shut down a long time ago, i think i agree..but she says im doing better...and my moods have been better...so eh, mayb im gettin there...
:-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-)

i went to danikas after to do sum work...all brittany does is complain!!(johnson) haha but i still love her anyways!!! had sum chocolate milk...looked at myspaces...talked to danika...it was fun...its cool just hanging out with her...i think so at least...i think she gets bored to death...o well haha...

well im gonna go...that was boring, sorry lol...

love you!
kelly

botmxofthexbotl @ 2005-02-07T14:05:00

2005-02-07T22:10:18Z

Hi!!!!!

haha its been forever...buuut im bored and am just sittin here talkin to jordi sorta in last period...dammit i wish i had ditched...eh

1st-boring...talked to laura sum

2nd-haha...i got to see danika!! went to the library...me: "remember when i said i wasnt gonna work?" ms scarafone "i think about that every day"

haha bell just rung ill finish up later

FINAL #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-01-26T17:21:14Z

omg im so bored...haha ijust finished the first final (computers)in an hour and so i had a whole hour left to sit and do nothing...so i studied math and finished sum of the worksheets...i still have one left...yupppp

so i think i did ok on my first one...i feel pretty good about...im kinda scared for english tho...i hate writing essays...and if i get rushed i freak out...and i like have mind blanks...and dont know wut to write

meh...we have two hours tho so i think itll be alright...cuz we had to write an essay in one hour once...and i finisehd that...ohhh but we have ?'s to answer too...df;akdjf;aklj ahhhhhhhhhh i hate this...lmao i cant wait till the days over...

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOPE UR ALL DOIN OK!!!!

<3kelly

Forget about your last good-bye's and you'll be sorry's

2005-01-24T16:15:07Z

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

haha i havent written in here forever...and it probably doesnt matter cuz no one comments ahaha but i dont care...reallly...

dude yesterdya sucked...i cried so much that my head started hurting ..aldkfja;sdkfja...my mom came home from church n told me that no one ever does nething round the house...so i was ok with that n i was gonna go clean...n then my brother starts talking about how its all my fault and so THAT pissed me off...i yelled at him n went into the other room...

but my mom made me come back and and sit down and look at her(i hate when they do that..WHY do i have to look at them and sit next to them when they talk to me) so i got threatend to be grounede for 2 weeks (like thats ever gonna happen ive never been grounded in my life)and then she started talking to me...

BUT THEN ray started making fun of me again...and my MOM started laffing at me too...i was like o fuck no...so i went to my room and just cried...my mom never gets me...so then she starts talking to me again , and i was just like no, mom, leave ...no matter how long we talk we'll never fix nething...so she just sat there looking at me making me feel horrible...and then she told me she loved me...i just sat there....i left and went to take a shower...she came in WHILE i was taking a shower...a;dkfj;adskfj

started tlaking to me agian...i said i didnt wanna talk ..she said she didnt care she was leaving soon...i screamed at her...i didnt wanna talk...she left...didnt come back till 8...

after my shower..i went to my room changed cleaned a little and then sat in front of the mirror...and cried...i couldnt look at myself...i started just listing off everything that was wrong with me...n how i hurt everyone and that i was te one who was screwing up my family...n then i thot about how i hadnt talked to neone over the weekend...and how i did nothing but hw...and how no one called...and when i called danika she didnt ask me to do nething...then i thot about school...and how i had tons to do b4 finals...and how adklfja;dskfj god im just gonna stop there...basically, i felt like nothing..i felt like i was worthless n there was nothing good about me...which sucks..i hate when i feel like that...

so i just layed on my floor and cried...n then i fell asleep...and when i woke up i staretd doing my hw again...and my brother n sister were watching the game...and everytime i said sumthing theyd act like i was crazy and theyd make fun of me...nice...i layed down on the couch and cried/slept sum more...then later i went to rosaritos with jenny n ray for dinner...i left a note for my mom...saying i was a jerk n that i was sorry....

came home...mom was there...she huged me...sat on the floor my brother n sister were on the couch with me...and she talked ot me...and i told her how i hate everything right now...cuz i go to school everyday feeling like no one cares...and when things go on...no one ever asks me to do nething unless i ask them about it first...and how no one calls...howi dont fit in...how everyone else had/has a boyfriend...how i dont think danika really cares nemore...how i feel like everythings worng with me...how im shy... i cried...she just sat there...didnt know wut to say....and she left the room...

haha what a fun day...but im good now...ya know, just keep it in...then let it out on my family cuz i dont really talk to neone else who cares about wuts happening with me...i usually just tlak about wuts goin on with them...btu its all good cuz im used to it now...

i just wanna move

i love you
<3kelly

but really tho, im fine...i think today'll be good

songs

2005-01-20T22:45:43Z

1. take the first 20 songs on your playlist
2. write your favorite part of each song, numbered 1-20
3. post it and have people guess the name of the band and title of the song.

1. "Once again, we’re playing off emotion Which one of us will burn until the end? catalyst, you insist to pull me down you contradict the fact that you still want me around."

2. "So give me all your poison And give me all your pills And give me all your hopeless hearts And make me ill "

3. "In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in Until I found out That I don't belong here "

4. "I stay wrecked and jealous for this, for this simple reason ..."

5. "And I don't know if you could ever understand, These are the things I can't say when were alone."

6. "And I struggled to get myself up again I wanna hang onto something That won't break away or fall apart Like the pieces of my heart "

7. "Drain the pressure from the swelling, The sensations overwhelming"

8. "True, it may seem like a stretch, but Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled Head when you're away when I am missing you to death"

9. "i would bring you a rope and take all the pain, all the pain that you hide from me everyday"

10. "this road to recovery has taken all i have"

11."dont do this man, theres another one off behind breaking down the door without warning"

12. "tell me, are you ona mission to bring me down? i dont wanna hear it and i just cant believe it...all the stupid things you say.."

13. "you made me swear. i cant sleep realize all these things that u took from me. smash my heart. suffocate my mind. smash apart what you created"

14. "am i the star beneath the stairs? am i the ghost upon the stage? am i your nething? and i dont want to die tonite will you believe in me? will you beileve in me tonite?"

15. "oh simple thing where have you gone? im gettin old n i need sumthin to rely on. o tell me when, ur gonna let me in, im gettin tired n i need sumwehre to begin"

16. "dont know why im even here, guess im afraid to be alone.."

17. "exhale another wasted breath, again it goes unnoticed. please tell me that u are feeling tired. cuz if its more than that i feel that i mite break"

18. "dancing in plastic shake-up know, do you believe in what you want?"

19. "ill take care of you, have faith that when you call my name ill be there"

20. "I fell tired, asleep in a golden ocean Your eyes perspired, a spike in my fascination"

yup that took FOREVER lmao but eh fun...leave sum, tell me if ya know en of em

<3kelly

Best day ever!!!!

2005-01-16T03:11:43Z

lol ok so i went to danika n had sum philipino food yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ok so we ate and talked to the auzzie and alex called her and started crying cuz danika coulndt do nething with her...

so i made danika call her back and ask her to come...and instead of sleeping at my house we would spend the nite at danika's ...so THATS y i couldnt go bowling...cuz alex wanted to see a movie..and it was at the same time as bowling...and i had already told danika we were going to hang out...so instead of hanging out at bowling we hung out at the movies...following me? lol ptrobably not...

so we went to see white noise...and WOW was that fun...we went in and we sat in the fnot...but we turned around to find 3 empty seat that werent in the ftront...and so we went up to the only three just to be told that they were saved...so we walked back to the front and alex left to go to the bathroom...sooooooooooooooo right when me n danika sat down...this black dude cam up bhind up and was like "hey wanna come sit with me n my friends?" STUPID danikas HAD to say "ummm no, i think were good" GOD danika lmao no its ok...we'll do it sum other time :-D lol wellllllll we watched the movie and it was soooooooo scary lol idc if u guys dont say it was i was going nuts...we all were screaming and like sitting in one seat together...so neways..

we got cold stone after and watched these stupid like 6th graders being dumb outside...and this like 8year old boy made out with this like 14 year old girl...ugh it was sick...soooo my dad picked us up we went back to danikas and maddie then came over....

we watched napolean dynamite...hilarious...then alex went up to bed...and then we watched thirteen...also a great movie...and then we went upstairs to sleep...but we talked for SOOOOOOOOOo long...until 3 actually...and omg...that is the BEST i haev EVER felt...lmao...we just let all out secrets out and i mean ALL of em out and we just talked about things we should have takled so long ago...

me n danika n maddie are now officially gonna live a lil...and start finding sum other guys to hang out with...haha u 2 know wut im talking about...omg i feel soooo mcuh better....LETS GO TO THE MOVIES TOMORROW!!! CUZ IM PRETTY MUCH DONE WITH THE PROJECT AND THEN WE CAN GO ON MONDAY TOO!!!!!!!!! or smwhere else for sum variety...yup

i love all of you so much!!! u guys are so awesome

maddie and danika...im trusting you guys that everything that me, maddie or danika said ...well be kept btween us...i mean, NOTHING leaves that room lmao nothing....i love you guys...i think i could tust u with my life.....cant wait till we start hangin out more...and not just at each others houses...even tho i still like doing that...cuz its fun to just b with each other!!!!

love forever n ever
<3kelly

Friday friday friday

2005-01-16T03:00:34Z

hmmm well right now im with the lovely danika...were boring ppl...but just being together is cool...

soooi was late today...but i got to see brittany and the auzzie...and brittany made this one girl run to get out of the way of her car lmao...wut a horrible driver...i still loev her tho

1st period...boring kinda...i just studied for the test in 2nd...and i talked to laura sum more!!!...but me and danika agree that her boyfriend is the ugliest in the world...and the guy that sits in front of danika n english likes her too...i just thot that was gross hahahaha

2nd period...we had a test...idk it was kinda hard...the questions made no sense...so idk how i did on that..but i kept making faces at danika...haha and then i wrote notes to maddie danika and kellie asking them all to spend the nite... turns out kellie couldnt...but danika could and maddie would come after her practice..

3rd period...we did researchfor our project...god! she gives us way too much crap in that class...neways...that period was dumb and broing...

4th period...another test...sucked booty...i couldnt get the answer on the stupid augmented one i wanted to shoot myself lmao but its all good...IM SO PROUD OF MICHELLE!! she got the answer when me n kim both couldnt!!! haha good for her!...welllllllllllll

lunch...fashion show...FARID AND JENNA?!?!?!?!?! weird....hahah boring too so i got sum lunch...zach just wouldnt stop...so i had to hide behind ppl lmao...funny stuff..

5th period...uhhhh i cant..rememeber...oh yea, i talked to and worked with these two girls...that sit next to me...but...i forgot their names...i am officially stupid lmao...wellllllll we did that...i talked to michelle bout bowling...i didnt knwo if i was gonna b able to go but i still said i would...i guess i shouldnt have...eh, o well, my fault...but yea...that was ok

6th peeriod...brooke and jordi are sooo funny...we were addressing envelopes...and they started laughing and cracking up at the most random things..and i just remembered the times that brooke was on the fone and sounded like a man...u had to of been there...and i ate cat food...dont ask...god, those are sum fun times...

after shcool i went to detention but the teacher wasnt there so i was just like screw it im leaving...went home called up danika...AND NOW SHES HERE i love her... yay were gonna do sumthing fun... but yes, i love all of you too!!!

<3kelly

TODAY WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!

2005-01-13T04:56:12Z

well, so tuesday...i ditched last period again haha, no biggy stupid class neways...and i went with miss madelaine to her orthadontist appt. haha that was fun...then we got ICE CREAM yum and thennnnn weeeee oh yea we ewnt and got our eyebrows done...sarah put on all this lip gloss i was laughing nside myself lmao...and she took this picture of herself n put in on my fone backround ... and was like "dont erases it" haha...i did...when igot home...it wasnt that pretty ...lol no offense maddie i love ur sister and think shes cute...but not in tha pic lmao...ok well thennnnnnnnn

todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

computers: talked to laura...shes cool...too bad shes leaving after this year...uhh got my book from the library...cuz im dumb like that and waited till after we were supposed to have been reading it for 2 days...and so i tried to catch up on all the reading..but omg i kept falling asleep..it just wasnat working...

english: I FAILED MY TEST!!!!!!!! lmao yessssssssssss im lovin it...but uhhhim sad tho..danikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!...PSH who needs you ...im kididng u know that. i love you...i wrote my daily note to her...and laughed at our teacher cuz i remember when we used to think she was pregnant...haha...idk it was a random thought

spanish: boring as hell...we did research all period..ima shoot mrs klingensmith

math: we workedin groups to do our poster...we kept messing up...it was a pretty non eventful period...but thats ok cuz i was with kim michelle n kaley...and their cool..............its weird...i like being able to just be with ppl and not feeling like we AHVE to be doing sumthing or talking...just knowing that being with them is fun in itself...if thatmakes sense to neone? lmao...mayb not..

lunch...helped brittany with physics....carl came up n hugged me outta no where saying he was pregnant with my baby...lmao funny stuff...

physics: had a test...made my head hurt

6th period: asdkjfa;k we had to clean out this room for hunt...but it was hilarious jordi n brooke are so funny...haha they took the sweatshirt outta there n were like...oh im just gonna take this home n wash it n wear it...they looked like hobos lmao but so did i so its all good...talked about winterformal, guys, myspace, dumb stuff

then we weint to dickens to work on the projet...but she had to leave in 10 mintes...so we went n waited for my sister to pick us up...and i pointed at a blue car n said THATS HER and they thought i was talking about an old man...which i WASNT lmoa...it was great..maddie n michelle came over...talked on the cpu...ate food...they tried to make cookies...they looked like dinner rolls lmao...watched blue crush cuz it was on tv..

i found out sum interestin info from michelle, which made me laugh...eh we'll see tho

sooooooooooooooooooooo today WAS BETTER THAN YESTERDAY...I WILL DO THIS I WILL!!!!!!!!!!! guys, its actually way better than yesterday...ima do this............................IM GOING TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i love you and im glad i can talk to yall ... u guys have been awesome...its like...things are slowly going in the right directino for me...and i feel soooooooooo good about it...like ak;djfa;kdj adkjmerrrrrrr i only know of one thing that could be better...and ill just have to deal w/ it...............

.I.LOVE.YOU.
Always,
kelly

by the way...

2005-01-11T04:31:14Z

if u had no clue what i was talking about in the last entry, then sry my friend, its not sumthing you need to know

so much <3

KELLY

SUCCESS BITCHES!!

2005-01-11T04:27:54Z

WELL i went to my counselor today...and i felt good like i had a lotta crap on me n i just watned to explode...and she totally agreed with me and was so mad at the psychiatrist i went to and was like omg thats not sumthing u say to a girl going thru sumthing like this( by the way she said.."well, since ur obviously not getting ne better, and what ur doing isnt working, we have to do this..." and that was after only seeing my counselor for 4 times...what a freak) and i was just like.;askdfj;asdkfjasdkfj;asdkj so i told her all about danika and about how im just tired of doing this and how i want to get passed it...and omg she just made me feel so good about myself...so i got this huge urge..to stop...to finally fix myself...to get over what im doing...and to QUIT and to FINALLY do it!!!!!!!!!! and im jsut like. ;adksjf;aksj;kdja;kdf im so extatic...its gonna take work tho...and i may need help...but im so wanting to do it like...ive never wanted to do it this bad...and it wont happen over nite...but omg..im already feeling geat about it...and guess what...IM NOT EVEN ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS...fuck yea, i just...i feel so good idk...it mite sound weird...but i sooo know it has sumthing to do with God...cuz like when she prayed for me at the end...i felt ...at peace with everything and like i just wanted to like...start singing...;kasjf;kajsf i love you guys so much...no matter how much of an ass i am sumtimes...dont ever doubt that i lov eyou...thanks for being there for me...and if u hated reading this...sry....but im just so happy right now im gonna burst

<3333KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM SOOOOOOOOOO GONNA DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!

and my weekend continues...haha..sry :-/

2005-01-10T15:54:53Z

ok so i woke up and went to church...I sat behind him!!!! yay...lol i wish i wasnt so shy...neways ok i went out to lunch then came home...kellie and thomas couldnt come over but danika could and hey, any day with danika is an awesome day lmao

ok so first we just played monkeyball and listened to music..haha cool, i know...and thennnn hmm oh yea we talked about stuff...and then we started to watch garden state...its funny, but not my favorite...my dog was goin nuts and kdjfa;dklsj well yea, that had nothing to do with nething haha ok so we watched the movie but danikas sister and the auzzie came to pick her up so she had to leave...boo...well i finished the movie and then did my hw...and then...i felt like a movie day so then i watched part of lord of the rings..the last one...n then my sister woke up from her nap at like 5 so we decided to watch this...like 3 hour long mozart movie...haha ...its SOOOOOOO funny tho... i laughed so much...

i colored sum more burned cds while i was watching n then once that was done i ate dinner then went on the computer annnnnnnd talked to ppl...

brian, seriously...dont worry about it too much..itll all be good...and im here 4 ya if u ever need me...butu already knew that im pretty sure so yup...good luck with everything.....love you

i played spider solitare then went to bed

THAT THE END OF MY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha dude, it was one of my best....cuz i was tired of waiting around for ppl asking me todo sumthing...so i did it myself lol.........funny thing tho, i didnt even do stuff with the ppl that have been telling me that they wanna hang out n will do stuff with me...and i had a great weekend neways....BAH hahahhaa im in a good mood

i love you all!
<3kelly<3

I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH KELLIE KRAVITZ

2005-01-10T15:45:25Z

haha ok so friday i woke up and i was sorta tired buti couldnt get back to sleep ...so i went downstairs n played gamecube for awhile unil everyone else in thehouse woke up...and then i went to my grammas then i came back home n i talked to kellie online and....we decided i was gonna go over to her house n spend the nite!!! yay!!

ok soooo I took a shower, ate lunch, tried to clean a little in my room n waited around for my mom to get back from doing errands so she could take me over there...

once she got home she drove me to blockbuster where i rented garden state to watch the next day. i got to kellie's house, and i TOTALLY forgot she had a dog!!! hahaha he's so cute...so me n kellie sat down n watched along came polly(good movie) and talked about a lotta stuff..WE HAD TONS TO CATCH UP ON...and we still do...cuz its been awhile haha...and so we ordered pg kings for dinner and kept watching the movie...the delivery ppl showed up so we ate n kept watchin tv...after along acme polly we put in...mona lisa smile..thats a good movie to...theres this one part that me n kellie like..ummm wuts ur face...kirstin dunst or however u spell it startsyelling at the slutty girl..dont know her name...and she starts freaking out and then the slutty one just hugs her nstead of yell baack or wutever...now THAT is what a real friend would do..haha okkkkkkk

sooowe talked an watched the movie sum more and then we paused it to walk up to the ice cream place by kiels in the rain...cept it was only drizzling haha that ok tho...so we go inside with the dog and the guy working there was hot...butkellie ordered hers then waited outside with the dog...and then i ordered mine n then i went outside w/ kellie...my ice cream cone was like steaming so i was like moviing it up n down trying to look at it and then i turned around n looked throuhg the glass n was like"geez they probably think im an idiot" well we got ready to leave...and i had left the umbrella inside...so i had to go back in hen get it then come back out...hahah i felt like such a dork

we went back home finished watching mona lisa smiles then watched drumline then (nick cannon is hot too) and then we went to bed (of course there was talking in between there) HA

ahhhhhhhh kellie you are so aweseom to be around ..n its like...even after so long, i still felt fine aroundyou and like i could talk to you and everything...it was so cool...i love youso much and we SOOO have to hang out more...like no joke...i had so much fun with you...yea so we should make plans again...you mean soo much to me...and no one could replace you I LOVE YOU KELLIE KRAVITZ!!!!

<3always,
kelly!

From worse to better..

2005-01-08T23:32:57Z

hey!
ok so i got outta school ealry to go to the psychiatrist and i talk to here...and then she goes n says i need to see a different counselor than the one that i was seeing...and that i had to go to this um, wut do they call em...idk sum institution like 3 tiems a week to get help...FUCK agh that made me so mad...i started arguing with er...telling her she didnteven know wut was going on with me n that i finally liked the counselor i was seeing and she understood me n i could and did tell her everything and she made me feel goodabout myself...and she was like...no, obviously shes not helping you so u need sumone better....fuck her, all she wants is our money...so i cried to my mom all the way home that i cant leave my counselor cuz she gets me n shes the only person i trust...n my mom starts crying cuz i said she ruined everything and i shouldnt hae...cuz its not her fault n i felt reallyb ad...but she told me we wont do nething the stupid lad said until we talk to my counselor about it....ok so me n my mom were fine now...

and even after all that shit happened i was still able to get in a better mood...cuz im cool like that and am feelin better bout stuff

so me n danika went to the mall(after sum confusion with who was gonna drive us) haha and ok so first we went to look for shirts...and we could NOT choose..so we went to the picture place n ooked at the backround n chose one..then we went to american eagle n got a green shirt for both of us...then we went to claires n got white scarves to wear as belts...n then we went and changed n got our pictures taken...hahaha it was so funny...the guy told danika to lay down n she like layed the wrong way...AH she so didnt get it...so we finished that n then (UH OH!!! dun dun dun) hahah we went back to clairs(we hadnt taken the tags off of nehting)and we returned the scarves n got out money back, n then i went back to american eagle and returned m shirt n got money back for that...hahahh... what can i say? im broke right now...

well then we got a smoothie from this stand thingy they were sooo good...n then we went bakck n chose 2 of the poses that we liked for our pictures..and we paid...n then we went and got.......PANDA EXPRESS yummmmmmmm lol well we finished eating and then we went back n picked up our pictures..and then we went to sam goody...where there were sum TOTALLY STUPID UGLY OBNOXIOUS girl and guy thre lmao they were so annoying i just wanted to turn around n b like...ur both gay go home...haha neways danika could NOT choose wut she wanted...wut an idiot...n she finally ended up getting simple plan's new cd...n I got...SILVERSTEIN AND SPITALFIELD!!!!!!!!!! ahhh finally...i had been looking for then everywhere n no one had then...i wanted to get bayside to but they were all out...Boo. neways....danikas parents picked us up and we couldnt find their car lmao we were walking around the parking lot with her parents n they were puhsing the horn button on their keyring...and it took us forever n it ws freeeezing lmao..

well they drove me home n i got all my stuff together n then i went up to danikas n we played gamecube with her dad AHHAHAHA i totlaly lost at mario cart...but kicked butt at donkey konga...danika could SOOO not play that game ahahahah...and then we played mario party 6...which her dad could so not play and he thought it was the stupidest game on earth...lmao...god i love danika n her family...that was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun

DANIKA GABRIEL JOHNSON!!!!!!! I LOV EYOU SO MUCH AND NO ONE IN THIS WORLD COULD REPLACE YOU!!!!! I FYOU END UP GOING TO UNI, WE HAVE TO DO STUFF EVERY WEEKEND CUZ IMA DIE WITHOUT YOU!!! THAT MAKES ME SAD...WHAT WILL I DO ALL DAY AT SCHOOL? LMAO WELL U ARE SO AWESOME N FUNNY AND ARE THE BEST FRIEND NEONE COULD EVER HAVE i LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOO SO SO SO MUCH AND DONT U EVER FORGET IT IM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU EVER NEED ME AND U CAN ALWAY TALK TO ME ABOUT NETHING LOVE YOU ALWAYS N FOREBVER!!!!!!1
KELLY

It's Been Awhile

2005-01-06T16:24:02Z

yea, i havent written in here for like...ever but i got bored so i thot hey, why not...

well yesterday...i didnt go to school...cuz i woke up crying and couldnt get outta bed...moms says i cant miss school for a long time nemore...so i slept till like 10, and went downstairs... MY SISTER HAD GONE TO EINSTEIN BAGELS AND BOUGHT ME A BAGEL WITH CREAM CHEESE...gosh i love her, shes so nice...so well, that was good...and then i went to wherehouse and target and walmart...and got some cds and helped my sister find a cd case...so that was also cool i guess...
we stoppedby carls jr n got sum lunch...then at home i ate...finished up my left over hw...then...yea, did that one thing again.

im gonna shoot sumone...a;kdjfa;sdk im so...as;dkfj stressed out right now...if danika leaves....i think im gonna die...itslike... u think it cant get ne worse then...HELLO, it does...i mean...what would i do every day atshool...and can barely get my self to go in the first place...and without her...i swear i think ill start just getting home schooled instead or sumthing...i knew sumthin like this would happen...i shouldve gotten clsoer to other ppl...butnooooo now when danika leaves...i wont have neone...yea, i have friends...but not ones who wanna hang out with me ALL the time like Danika would...we could sit n talk forever...UGH its like ifi ever try to go to the tree ppl just say hey, talk to me for maybe 2 minutes then move on to sumone more interesting..but danikas not like that...but hey, shes leaving now so i gotta get over it

or just fall apart

hey, ontop of that i get to go to a differnt psychologist/psychiatrist (which ever one perscribes medicine n shit) and talk to them for an hour just to see if they think its good to perscribe me anti-depressants bcuz my frist psychiatrist thinks i need them...whooo hoooo, waht a failure

i bet lots of you are thinking..."oh, crap another depresed idiot" well screw you cuz u all had ur fucking depresed times day after day when i would just sit there and try to help u for hours...well ive put up with it enuff and i cant just sit here nemore and have everything b ok..im too exausted of keeping everything under control with me....for once i just wanna let go...

whatever...
later all
kelly

botmxofthexbotl @ 2004-12-08T21:37:00

2004-12-09T05:48:15Z

y aknow i wasj ust thinkin... theres always someone who can see thru u...like ever person has sumone that they know even if they fake it...that other person knows sumthin is wrong...funny tho, no ones ever seen thru my smile...like never in my whole life

botmxofthexbotl @ 2004-12-07T19:04:00

2004-12-08T03:14:52Z

getting a new journal.. ill tell ya if i end up giving it to ppl

m HaViNg OnE oF tHoSe StUpId DaYs

2004-12-07T16:20:58Z

ahhhh birthday was great...thanx to everyone who came...lol i gotta put the pictures up if i could just find my camrea...idk right now kinda sucks...i havent felt like this ina while...just kinda bored/upset/sad/scared/guilty/deptressed/worried idk you pick one...but hey ill be over it by lunch ibet...i just finished reading my brothers journal...i wonder if he reads mine...hmmmmmm....doubt it neways...i stole this from him
OK, now humor me and do this thing.

(a) first, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(b) i want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. ask me anything you want.
1.
2.
3.

(c) now post this in your journal & see what your friends want to know about you!

so yea...i think im gonna ask sum ppl to do sumthin today cuz its been since ...saturday/sunday that ive doen nething...not long...but still i need sumthin to docuz i hate feeling like this....MUAHAHAHAHAHA i hope everyones okay...oh, im so making this entry friends only..that wayi can put in it what i was gonna say!!

ahhh i totally just read my brothers journal and im never reading it again...yay to all my friends who read his....especially if ur one of those ppl who comment on his more than mine....but lol wutever...omg ew...i read his survey...adfja;klsdjfakls I DONT WANNA KNOW ABOUT MY BROTHERS SEX LIFE t hat is so gross...ew i think im gonna be sick...neways...ahhh now that ive got that out of me...

i went to the concert sunday nite at soma...it was awesome...i went with my sister and her friend and then brian came too...first band..was interesting but not my favorite...then we listened to copeland and then we left afte th first song of the next band cuz eric doesnt really like to stay long at those kinda things....

i hope everythings okay..idk it kinda feels like ppl are mad at me...but i couldjsut be dilusional....im really bored right now but i think ill be leaving cuz idk theres just sumthin bout journals sumtimes that make me feel like shit...and i dnot like it....

my counselor told me to write letters to ppl ...but not really give em to em...and i just thot that was cool cuz its kinda like that dear you thingt hat jessica talks about usmtimes....yea...so hey who knows, mayb im writing a letter to you right now! lol nah i doubt it...im not upset or mad or hurt by neone who reads this i dont think ...well ill probably see most of you sumtime today at school...

bye
kelly

IM IN COMPUTER CLASS!!!

2004-12-03T16:25:06Z

hahah im so excited tomorrows my birthday im gonnab 15...but, those four days maddie, were the happiest ofmy life.... hahaha i got a GREEN CAKE this morning from missm adelaine and jessica!!!!!!!! haha thats aesome...brittany j took me to cup n go n bought me sum hot chocolate man i love that girll....well, i love you all so much and i cant wait till i can see you all tonite....

i hope all of you are okay...and if not...tell me...i want to b there for you....hahaha but im sooooooooo happy

i love you all soo sooso muchn ill see ya later!!!!!

ohhh cake n english..

im soooooooooooooooo cold!!!!!

akdjfa;dksj dum de dum de dum ..................my tonguei s burnt... arite later all

<33333333333 times a million
kelly

***It HuRtS wHeN i SaY i LoVe YoU***